Writing 101 – Day 19, Matters of the Heart are Tricky

A good friend of mine once said these words to me when I was sharing with her my concerns about a relationship. I found her words comforting. Far too often when you share relationship problems with others, they tend to spew out all the do’s and don’ts. They want to get in there and start to label your partner and tell you what you should and shouldn’t put up with.
It was pleasant to share with her because she gave me psychological air to breathe. She didn’t try to enforce any rules to my situation. She didn’t try to label him. She only said “The heart what the heart wants and matters of the heart are tricky.” Her words were wise beyond her years. I agree with her they are quite tricky indeed.
Relationships like finances, communication, and parenting are not one of those topics included in our schooling. As important as they because they can make or break very important decisions in our lives we are not taught the foundations of how to be effective in these areas. No instead we learn on demand and mostly by example.
Thus if we have a bad example to follow we tend to drift around mucking things up until we are fortunate to discover a better way. Where am I going with this? One of the things I find most aggravating is all the blogs, articles, and books written by pop psychologists and self proclaimed relationship gurus.
They seem to be a dime a dozen with their one size fit all relationships. Not everyone comes to the relationship table the same size. We all come with different ideas, unresolved hurts, and fears. And as much as a person’s behavior seems personal, vindictive, and intentional within a romantic relationship, often times it is not.
I like what Tony Robbins said…most people are not trying to intentionally hurt us or harm us they are simply trying to get their needs met and unfortunately we are in between them getting them met. In other words a person may have deep rooted fears when it comes to intimacy whether it is due to their past and/or personality, but if we went by a certain pop psychologist/relationship guru we would label them as just not into us.
It’s sad because the main thing a relationship is for is the one thing that is often times absent and that is “relating” and doubling life’s pleasures together. Instead we are so caught up in protecting ourselves from hurt we hide behind games, manipulation, rules, and in some cases Alcatraz. Yes indeed matters of the heart are tricky because the one thing the heart wants most is the one thing it seems it is deathly afraid of at the same time…..love.

2 Comments

  1. Great post, loved reading this one today (for the 3rd time this week).. It reminds me to stop listening to all my friends when it comes to my relationships.. they all have negatives things to say about the guy and not enough to help encourage me along my emotional and spiritual growth. Everyone is so quick to point out what is lacking, instead of celebrating what is.

    The heart wants what the heart wants… I think we should all take more chances with love and stop running to hide ourselves from a potential to get hurt.

    The other day one close friend said “time to move on before you get hurt”.. UGH!

    My insecurities cause me to end up talking to my friends about my relationships, mostly because I am looking for support or similar stories. But I need to learn to trust more of my intuition and stop talking about it so much! Boundaries, I struggle with these.

    Thanks for the post!

    Reply

    1. Thanks for your feedback! Yes it’s interesting just how much folks will have to say but will fight to the bitter end for whatever situation they are in.

      We have to make the most of relationships. I tend to agree with Tony Robbins that a relationship is a place we come to give but too many us come to the relationship table starving. Thus having nothing to give because we’re so depleted.

      By all means trust your gut. 🙂

      Reply

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