Does he really want to leave me? Or, is this just a phase? It depends. Depends on what? What the underlying cause is for his distancing behavior and how you handle him in the turn. More than likely a woman will misread the underlying cause, mishandle her man, and lose him in the turn.
Oftentimes when a man announces he needs his space either with his words and/or his actions the underlying cause has to do with lack of direction, a lack of freedom, and/or the presence of another woman.
Either way it is totally agonizing to be left with the uncertainty of not knowing if he really wants to leave me or if this is just a phase. In my opinion, the underlying cause is not as much of a predictor of if he will actually leave or if it turns out to be a phase as much as if a woman chooses to react or respond to his distancing behavior.
What do I mean by choose to react or respond? Most women react when a man starts to distance and/or withdraw and consequently this only causes him to add to his reasons to leave list and reinforces to him he’s made the right decision to leave.
What does reacting look like? She picks up her tempo and starts to work double time to close the gap that he’s creating with his distancing behavior. She begins to turn herself inside out trying to convince him to stay. Some will plead and beg. Or, she starts to issue ultimatums and make angry threats of leaving herself. Some even resort to trying to make their man jealous by hinting or outright saying they are “dating” other men.
Either way reacting does very little to help the situation and more times than not only reinforces his decision and causes him to withdraw more and create more distance. Why? Because it proves to him that he has a 100% hold on you and that you don’t know how to love him and give him freedom at the same time.
What does responding look like? She mirrors him. If he is creating distance, she respects that distance and allows him to close the gap when he is ready. She increases her focus on herself and her own life. She takes this as a cue that it’s time to disconnect as well and either set goals in her life or devote more time and action to goals already set. She owns her emotions and knows it is her responsibility to manage them and that her emotions is none of his business at this time.
By responding to a man who is indicating he wants to leave, you are acknowledging and recognizing that in order for a man to fully love you, he must be living his life on the basis of his true vision. This holds true if he is experiencing a lack of direction, a lack of freedom, or the presence of another woman as the cause for his distancing behavior.
Allowing him to have his space and tending to your own life is the best chance of it being a temporary phase. Once they find their vision, once they are in the process of working it out, they can also embrace life with a woman and share genuine intimate love with her.
Think of it as you have granted them the freedom to cut away internal bullshit and slay their own inner conflicts so that they can return to you with a heart purpose that is singular. Now they can relax into love without distractions. And freely share their love with you because he has confidence that with you love and freedom are one in the same.
Life seems like hell to a man when they can’t do what they really want to do whether it be in their professional or their personal lives. In order to respond instead of react you need to master the delicate balance of being able to maintain your own wholeness, unconditionally participate in the exchange of love in the relationship, and not allow yourself to become a victim of any of his irresponsibility.
If you need help with achieving this type of balance, email firstname.lastname@example.org today and schedule you mentoring session and learn the mindset and skills needed to have the relationship you deeply desire.