What Do You Give a Man Who Doesn’t Know What He Wants?!?


Emotionally Unavailable Men – EUM is a hot topic of discussion among dating relationships experts.  It’s not to say that women aren’t emotionally unavailable too.  However, today my focus is on the Emotionally Unavailable Man.  And when I think of him I think of this quote by Stephen Covey “Anytime you wrap your emotional life around the weaknesses of another person, you empower those weaknesses to control you.”

I think his quote sums up the relationship dynamics between an EUM and the women who form unhealthy attachments to him.  Noticed I didn’t say the women who love him but the women who form unhealthy attachments to him.  Because while she may think it is love it is far from love and is very much an unhealthy attachment.

I’m still trying to figure out the why behind the madness but haven’t quite been able to put my finger on it.   However, I have found some dynamics that seem to be prevalent in this dynamic.  One being that typically the EUM doesn’t know what he wants so how can any woman give it to him and/or how can he appreciate it when he finds it?  Secondly, the women who form unhealthy attachments to him tend to wrap their emotional lives around his weakness – emotional unavailability.

Thirdly, she becomes relentless in her attempts to win his affection, attention, and approval.  Why?  Beats me because I’m still trying to figure this one out.  Fourthly, women attracted to EUMs have a history of seeking out and being involved with men who are emotionally unavailable.

Fifthly, the relationship is characterized by extreme highs/lows and/or a vicious breakup to makeup cycle.  Lastly, these women tend to have a history of anxiety, insecurity, and jumping from one relationship to another….they detest being single and/or spending time alone.

While their EUM counterpart has a history of being avoidant, distant, and distracted.  They will always have a distraction to ensure that they stay emotionally unavailable whether the distraction takes the form of other women, work, family, friends, community service, projects, games, etc.  Something will always be prevalent in their lives and take precedence over forming a healthy emotional bond with the woman/women in their lives.

So again what do you give a man who doesn’t know what he wants?  You simply can’t give it to him.  Therefore, there is no need to keep beating your head against the wall until the white meat shows.  Cut your losses and move on and discover the healing needed to stop forming these types of unhealthy attachments.  Stop wrapping your emotional life around his weaknesses.

I know it’s easier said than done.  But there is a lot of information and tools available to help you break this cycle of forming these types of unhealthy attachments.  In my opinion, it is a no win situation unless the EUM finally discovers he has a problem and seeks help to determine why he has chosen to be emotionally unavailable. Additionally, the woman in his life needs to get the help she needs also.

By the way many women are married to EUMs so don’t make the mistake of believing that a relationship commitment automatically translates to a man being emotionally available because it doesn’t.  If the women who find these men attractive don’t get the help she needs, then she will continuously live her life as an emotional masochist constantly feeling tortured, anxious, lonely, and unworthy.


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