Recognizing the Other Person’s Reality


Understanding our reality versus the other person’s reality can really help us in achieving our goals in life.  Far too often we make the mistake of judging and seeing things only from our reality aka perspective.  When we lack the ability to recognize the other person’s reality we tend to misstep and/or misjudge a situation.  Additionally, we tend to either interpret situations as being personal and/or intentional.

When in actuality as Tony Robbins says “We are all just trying to get our needs met and really aren’t too focused on the other guy at all”.  And I have found this to be very true.  We’re quick to label others as selfish and lack seeing when we too are motivated by selfish reasons.

One of the best ways to cultivate the habit of recognizing the other person’s reality is to pause for the cause and take a moment to step back from the situation at hand and ask ourselves “how can I connect with this person?”, “what reality would match this person’s behavior?”, “why would a sane, rational, reasonable person be acting this way?”, “when I look at this person’s behavior, what objective might this person be trying to accomplish”.

It’s amazing how much easier we can connect with others when we practice taking a 360 degree look at things to attempt to understand what reality another person is entertaining and then developing a plan of action to influence the other person based on what their needs are at the moment.

Not only is it important to recognize the other’s person reality.  It’s even more important to recognize our own.  For instance, your reality is “I need a label for my relationship with the guy I’m interested in.”  His reality is “I could give a rat’s ass about getting involved in another committed relationship with another overly demanding woman.”  So it’s all about them and their need to avoid feeling put upon and/or responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Unfortunately in a situation like this, more times than not a woman will try to force the issue based on her reality and feel entitled to a “labeled” relationship because all the things she’s done to invest in the relationship and/or the time invested in it.   However, would you want to do something of your own free will or force?  In situations like this a better approach would be to find a way to apply Dale Carnegie’s quote…”arouse in the other person an eager want.”

And, to do this we must first recognize the other person’s reality and then leverage it by using effective negotiation and persuasive skills.  In sales it’s called “WIIFM – What’s In It For Me?”  Once you determine that then you can subtly begin to win them over to your reality.


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