I don’t know about you but I have emotions and often times I feel them INTENSELY! Very INTENSELY! And when I have these emotional storms, the last thing I want is to hear from someone directly or indirectly that I’m wrong for feeling the way that I do.
Suppressing emotions seems to be what the collective has deemed as normal. Is it? Just because you don’t acknowledge the emotions doesn’t make them go away. I refuse to continue to suffer in silence by suppressing my emotions and/or pretending I don’t feel the way that I do.
In my observation, we have been conditioned to do just that in order to preserve the image of being “cool”, “calm”, “collected”. To project the image that everything in our world is A-OK when in actuality we are drowning from own emotional storms. Am I advocating to come out in the world and act out our negative emotions? No.
What I am advocating is to acknowledge them and let them have their say because when we don’t we often have trouble seeing things as they are and we put our emotional health and physical health in jeopardy.
I used to think emotional intelligence meant that you don’t experience negative emotions. Some law of attraction advocates give the indication one must forever be in their happy, positive state and/or stay high on the emotional scale.
But is that really how emotions work? I don’t think so. The more I read and learn about my emotions the more I realize that I was totally clueless. One of the main mistakes I continued to make was taking on the emotions as an identity. For instance, in my case anger has been an emotion I have had quite the turbulent relationship with. After all the shaming and judging from people who are emotionally clueless, I was made to think I was an angry person. I was out of control. I was difficult to get along with. Blah, blah, blah, blah.
In hindsight, I believe I drew all of the criticism partly because most people are afraid of their own anger and will choose to stay stuck in emotions such as fear, depression, powerlessness, jealousy, insecurity, unworthiness, regret, and despair rather than moving through and feeling the anger. I think anger gets a bad rap. Probably because most people when in the grips of it can do some of the most catastrophic and self-defeating things.
But what about depression, anger turned inwards? Granted most people aren’t privy to when a person is feeling depressed as it’s a closet anger emotion which implodes versus explodes. Never the less it is just as catastrophic and self-defeating. To sum it all up, I’ve learned that emotional intelligence is really the art of mastering emotions.
Emotional intelligence, in my opinion, means we have acquired the knowledge and skill to gain control of our emotions and direct the energy from them appropriately. It is about welcoming all of the emotions (positive and negative) and allowing them to have their say. It is understanding emotions are our feedback system. It is understanding it is not who we are as a person. We are much larger than any negative emotion or circumstances that triggered it.
It is possessing the problem solving skills needed to dissect the emotions and linking them to the thoughts that created them. And once we understand the thoughts it is then possessing the resolution skills to identify if we need as Tony Robbins says a change in our procedure or our perception.
In the case of anger, let’s say we deduce and link it to the thought that we have perceived we have been disrespected. Then we have to decide do we resolve the matter by changing our perception such as well it isn’t an issue of disrespect, this person is just trying to get their needs met albeit in a counterproductive way. Or do I change my procedure? I’ve asked them several times to stop being late and disrespecting my time so I will give them 5 minutes and if they are a no show and haven’t call to indicate they are running late, then I will leave.
TL;DR – we all at some point in time in life feel like we are drowning in our own emotions. It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling. Just don’t let your emotions become your identity. Know it’s just feedback. Decipher the message (thought) behind the feedback and then adjust your perception or procedure. And know that we all have days, moments like this. Negative emotions are your ally not your foe.
I’m glad that I am discovering the art of emotional intelligence. My emotional storms still come however I’ve learned to weather the storms without struggling and/or drowning in them. It’s empowering to learn how to master my emotions.
If your top goal is to grow a dynamic, efficient, quality-driven business then having well defined systems is non-negotiable. This applies whether you own a large corporation, small business, or are self-employed, there are 7 must have systems to skip ahead to success in business. Well defined systems ensure efficiency, productivity, consistency, and predictability. Bottom line is well defined systems produce predictable results.
The following seven must have systems will put you in the express lane to reaching your business goals:
- System for Learning – The more you know the more you grow. Many studies have shown there is a direct correlation between knowledge and income. Skill development is essential to stay on the cutting edge and keeping your business fresh and viable.Be sure to include time in your day to acquire knowledge and master skills needed to leverage and position your business for leading edge success.
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- System for Growth and Expansion – If your business is not growing then it’s dying. The most successful people in business have a system to ensure they are constantly growing and expanding.One part of this system should include target market identification. Which target market is being overlooked by your product and/or services? Know your numbers.
Pay attention to your effort-to-results ratio. How much effort keeps you stable versus yields you growth and expansion? In other words if you’re in sales, do you know how much effort maintains your current income versus giving you a pay increase?
Is your system reproducible? One surefire way to growth and expansion is to cultivate a system where others can attain the same level of success. This is the number one aspect that most over looked in the direct sales industry. When you recruit, gift them with a system to grow and expand their business.
- System for Organization – Having effective organization ensures efficiency and productive use of resources. One factor to include for this system is follow-up. Will you use a paper planner, electronic planner, a tickler file?How will you track items that require follow-up and remind yourself to do it? Many people either lose income opportunities, increase expenses, and/or client’s respect due to a poor follow-up system.
Do you have business hours? Do you have a strategy to push yourself through unpleasant tasks? If you have products do you have a system for tracking your inventory? Do you have documentation for your business processes?
Do you have a plan for how you will apply your time during your business hours? Have you identified which actions are income producing versus non-income producing? Do you have the right ratio for your time investment to ensure you’re using your time in such a way to give you the biggest bang for your buck? Busy does not equal productive.
Success has a look. Is your work environment organized and clutter free? Does it speak to success to you? If self-employed or home-based business owner, do you dress for success during your business hours?
- System for Branding – What’s your WOW factor? Businesses with strong brand identifies launch “wow” rockets into the success zone. What’s your message behind the business? What experience/feeling are you attempting to get your prospective clients to buy into?Do you have an elevator speech? Can you express your idea or image of your specific product or service that consumers connect can with in the time it takes to ride from the bottom to the top floor of an elevator?
Do you practice it often? Have you identified ways to include in your conversations seamlessly? When I was in direct sales, there was a saying your business is open when your mouth is open. Make a goal daily of how many people you will share your elevator speech with and perfect it.
- System for Compensation – How much of your income will you use to compensate yourself? Your employees? How much will you invest to inspire and reward right performance and behavior for yourself and your team? Remember there are non-monetary ways to compensate yourself, your team, and your loyal clients; be creative.
- System for Motivation – This one is HUGE! The failure to do things to the finish is the number one reason for failure in business. How will you stay motivate to ensure you finish what you start?The next top reason for failure is fear of rejection. How will you stay motivated to keep going in the face of rejection? Being sensitive to rejection can leave many of people crippled in their business endeavor. In order to be successful, one must learn to keep rejection impersonal. Remember every no moves you closer to the yes. And the next person knows nothing about the previous rejection. Keep going.
Last but not least, just like we have starters but not finishers, we have people who simply allow fear to paralyze them and they never get started. Have a system to get you to take action and to fall in love with the process. Remember focus on the actions and the results will come.
- System for Charity – How will you give back to your community? There are so many benefits to charitable giving such as positive branding, gaining customer support, connection and networking, free publicity, and a good feeling. Mahatma Ghandi said it best…“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” And as the timeless book of wisdom proclaims….“Give and it shall be given unto you.”
It’s hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head. Sally Kempton was definitely on point with this statement. I don’t know about you but some days it feels as if there is a war going on inside my head.
Mental monsters are no joke. Just like it doesn’t take any effort for weeds to grow in unattended land space so it is with our minds. It doesn’t take any effort for negative thoughts to emerge and take root in our minds. Often times they invade our minds in the form of whispers and I know for me, I haven’t realized that they have taken over until I start to feel some type of way.
It used to be a time I thought my feelings were real and I would take them on as an identity and unbeknownst to me at the time I was inadvertently reinforcing negative beliefs by entertaining and accepting negative self talk. If I don’t invest the time to pluck up the weeds in their seedling state, then they grow just like wildfire the same as with barren unkempt land.
The only antidote to keep mental monsters in check is by daily asserting “this is the kind of person I am”. Otherwise, I’m subject to fall into the trap of seeing myself through the eyes of those who either don’t value or know my worth or don’t know theirs. Yes, people who don’t know their worth will project their feelings of inferiority on you if you’re not vigilant in protecting your mental garden with weed killers.
Another mental weed comes in the form of comparing ourselves to others. This is a surefire way to leave ourselves feeling some type of way. We all have our own unique talent, skills, and abilities and it doesn’t matter what someone is doing, saying, and/or achieving. It only matters how we assert “this is the kind of person I am”.
I’ve decided the kind of person I am. And from now on that’s the person that I’m going to be. Going forward each day I will assert the kind of person I am and will keep asserting it until it materializes. The timeless book entitled the Bible supports this notion in Joel 3:10 when it says “Let the weak, say that I am strong.”
I encourage you to decide what kind of person you are or want to be and assert it daily. Self talk is the most powerful form of communication. It has the power to give life or kill; to build or destroy; empower or defeat. Our life is not determined by who we pretend and or claim to be. It’s defined by what we whisper to ourselves repeatedly daily and on an ongoing basis. Be deliberate about how you communicate with yourself and ensure it aligns with the kind of person you are or want to be.
It’s time to show the world who you are and what you’re capable of achieving. The way to do that is to keep your mind disciplined to look for the positives and harness and leverage your imagination to propel you towards becoming who you want to be and cultivating the lifestyle you desire.
If your default is instant gratification aka impatience then it’s time to rewire that vibrational response system by engaging in daily assertions of I am statements that reinforce your ability to be patient, trust the process, and have faith in the Universe’s ability to orchestrate on your behalf.
It’s time to cultivate a full partnership with God/Universe and demolish the limited partnership and/or silent one. As a matter of fact it’s time to defer/ yield all “how” related strategic planning to your FULL partner and strategic “resource” management.
It’s time to be all you were designed to be…. enter into FULL partnership today with God/Universe. Cheers! ❤
Hicks says “We don’t have what we want because we’re not a match to it.” Einstein says “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind/level of thinking we used when we created them.” Marianne Williamson says “You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be.”
We’ve heard old ways won’t open new doors. And in order to have something different we must do something different. That’s what this month’s challenge is about changing our thoughts to have something different.
Maltz says “Our self image, strongly held, essentially determines what we become.” Far too often we overlook the connection between our self image and our results in life. If we don’t have the essence of what we desire in our lives then who do we need to become to have it?
Do we need to become confident? Do we need to become savvy, alluring, magnetic, innovative, charismatic, flexible, positve, optimistic, consistent, determined, victory minded, courageous, faithful, peaceful?
I AM ASSERTIONS are a powerful tool in helping to chisel, cultivate, transform, or enhance our self image. I will be re-incorporating them into my daily routine.
We choose who and what we will become by who we identify with with our I AM assertions. Be sure they align with your deepest desires. Don’t believe me….. remember Muhammed Ali? I am the greatest and so it was unto him.
Ideals become dim if we don’t constantly stimulate them by the right mental food. Our imagination is our secret chamber of possibilities. When we learn to live out of imagination, we unleash our hidden resources, we stimulate our growth and our power.
Jules de Gaultier says “Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.” If we want to get away from, improve, change, reverse, or transform our present reality, then we must form the habit of leveraging your imagination.
We must form the habit of mentally living in the state we desire. If it’s abundance, mentally we must live in abundance. Better health? We must mentally live as strong, virile, energetic, healthy individuals.
We must train our imagination to visualize and live in the ideal of what we want; that is we must hold the thought of abundance, wealth, health, and/or happiness. Saturate ourselves with it.
Then oppositional thoughts cannot touch you. They will be neutralized because you cannot hold in your mind two opposite thoughts at the same time, and whatever thought you hold is a real powerful creative force.
In order to create, to build, we must hold a constructive mental attitude all the time, that we must keep all negatives, all thoughts of discouragement, despondency, of possible failure out of our minds.
We can only produce only that which we concentrate upon, that which we constantly think of; that only which is dominant in our mind, whether beneficial or injurious will be reproduced in our lives.
Manifest all the good things you need by entering the secret chambers of possibilities and living out of your imagination and not your history.