How Do You See Yourself?

self-image: the idea one has of one’s abilities, appearance, and personality.

What idea do you have of yourself?  Does your idea of your abilities, appearance, and personality match your desired goals?

It all starts within first.  How you see yourself will govern what you say, how you act, and what decisions you make.  Don’t like the result’s you’re getting or not getting?  Don’t like the way other’s see you or treat you? Do you find yourself constantly wondering why is it happening for them and not me?  What do they have that I don’t have?

Then it’s time to take inventory to determine which areas of your life require you to see yourself differently.  It’s not what you are that’s holding you back.  It’s what you think you are not.

See yourself differently and others will see you differently too!

Decide it    •    See it   •    Become it   •    Reflect it

Need help?  Click here and transform how you see yourself today!

Do New Things to Impress Yourself

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In this day and age of social media it is easy to get caught up into doing things in order to impress others.  Even to the point we strive for situations that are not meant for us and find ourselves empty and dissatisfied upon achievement of them.  I find this true in particular when it comes to people selecting a significant other.  Often times guided by what looks good on paper or how their potential partner can add and/or improve their material gain. Or mistakenly believe they can fill some hole or missing piece in their lives.

Well enough of that, I wanted to write today about shifting the focus from the outside to the inside as it relates to accolades.  To care more about what we think about ourselves and impressing ourselves.  I think one of the best ways we impress ourselves is when we try something new.  In other words I believe it is through expansion and growth that we impress ourselves the most especially when we master something new.

What I’ve discovered is my joy comes from the inner consciousness and of power and efficiency – not from the applause of the crowds.  The more I stretch my faith by reaching for and desiring to create new things in my life for the sake of growth, expansion, and creative reasons the more I impress myself and the more I impress myself the more joyful, free, cheerful, and confident I become.

He who depends upon the applause of the crowds for his pleasure and satisfaction is a slave.  He will forever be seeking approval and/or affirmation from others who may or may not provide it.  I choose to be a master and impress myself and expect applause from no one but myself and to derive my keenest joy from the approval of the mysterious something within that connects me with Infinite Intelligence/Universe/God.

It’s time for me to try new positive things and embrace people, situations and circumstances which make me stronger, better, and more efficient as an individual. Likewise it’s time for me to release old negative things and release people, situations, and circumstances which leave me feeling weaker, worse, and more sluggish as an individual.

I plan to incorporate a try something new activity each week in my planner to impress myself.  I can hardly wait to see how proud I am of myself at the end of each month this year.  What about you?  Will you try new things to impress yourself?  What new things will you try?

Please let me know.

Look forward to hearing from you….

Recognizing the Other Person’s Reality

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Understanding our reality versus the other person’s reality can really help us in achieving our goals in life.  Far too often we make the mistake of judging and seeing things only from our reality aka perspective.  When we lack the ability to recognize the other person’s reality we tend to misstep and/or misjudge a situation.  Additionally, we tend to either interpret situations as being personal and/or intentional.

When in actuality as Tony Robbins says “We are all just trying to get our needs met and really aren’t too focused on the other guy at all”.  And I have found this to be very true.  We’re quick to label others as selfish and lack seeing when we too are motivated by selfish reasons.

One of the best ways to cultivate the habit of recognizing the other person’s reality is to pause for the cause and take a moment to step back from the situation at hand and ask ourselves “how can I connect with this person?”, “what reality would match this person’s behavior?”, “why would a sane, rational, reasonable person be acting this way?”, “when I look at this person’s behavior, what objective might this person be trying to accomplish”.

It’s amazing how much easier we can connect with others when we practice taking a 360 degree look at things to attempt to understand what reality another person is entertaining and then developing a plan of action to influence the other person based on what their needs are at the moment.

Not only is it important to recognize the other’s person reality.  It’s even more important to recognize our own.  For instance, your reality is “I need a label for my relationship with the guy I’m interested in.”  His reality is “I could give a rat’s ass about getting involved in another committed relationship with another overly demanding woman.”  So it’s all about them and their need to avoid feeling put upon and/or responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Unfortunately in a situation like this, more times than not a woman will try to force the issue based on her reality and feel entitled to a “labeled” relationship because all the things she’s done to invest in the relationship and/or the time invested in it.   However, would you want to do something of your own free will or force?  In situations like this a better approach would be to find a way to apply Dale Carnegie’s quote…”arouse in the other person an eager want.”

And, to do this we must first recognize the other person’s reality and then leverage it by using effective negotiation and persuasive skills.  In sales it’s called “WIIFM – What’s In It For Me?”  Once you determine that then you can subtly begin to win them over to your reality.

 

Do You Owe You – What Did YOU Not Do?

OMG!  I loved, loved, loved this video!!!!  Best way I could have spent 7 minutes of my time today.  I was just sitting here wondering what to write about in my post today to support my theme of optimizing October with optimism and I heard this.  Eric Thomas really knows how to have the hard talk.

I’m amazed how well his message aligns with this quote…

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This is why I am loving my experiment this month because the most powerful tool at our disposal is building the new.  Do you know what it is that you want?  Are you doing all that you can for yourself?

Is there something you are NOT doing for you?  Demand the best for yourself, expect good things to happen for you, and pay yourself in spades by using everything at your disposal to make it happen for you!

Cheers!!!! ♥♥♥

PS.  By the way, how did you do on yesterday?  Did you decide to do the imagination practice?  I did and boy I am on fire today with excitement and anticipation.  I not only wrote my script…I recorded it too.  I plan on listening to it several times throughout the day.  I am going to use my imagination to hypnotize myself into a winner’s mentality. Meet me in the winner’s circle!

Day 58 – There’s No Shame in My Game

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I recently posted about anger and that shame was at the root of it.  The more I have contemplated about the subject of shame the more I have resolved a lot of inner conflicts with myself.  And, more importantly some old outstanding wounds and conflicts I have had with my mom and others too.

I went to my mom’s house during the middle of the week and immensely enjoyed a two almost three hour visit with her.  For some odd reason, I felt compelled to go see her and when I walked through her door the first thing she said was “you must of sensed I needed you and some love.”

Needless to say my heart almost melted. I find that my relationship with my mother has healed by leaps and bounds since I listened to those videos.  I genuinely had a blast with her when I visited and I helped to alleviate some fears she was having. 

I love my mom and all I can think about is all the years wasted because (1) I didn’t recognize the shame within me (2) I didn’t recognize how it manifested in my behaviors and thought processes and (3) I didn’t recognize how it manifested in other’s behavior and thought processes.

 But every since I listened to the following two videos by Craig Hill a whole new world of understanding and acceptance has opened up for me:

In the second video, Hill explores the seven key rules in families that set up shame.  No doubt he has piggy backed on the concepts found in the book “The Homecoming” by John Bradshaw.  I read that book in my early twenties at the recommendation of a psychotherapist that I was seeing at the time.

But most of the information fell on death ears because I was unwilling to admit a lot of my internal emotional suffering was rooted in shame.  But like the opening quote implies once it is expose, it has an opportunity to heal.

I wished I had been willing to admit this in my early twenties because I could have save myself a truckload and more of needless mental/emotional pain and suffering.  Granted, Hill is heavy on the religion jargon but the message underneath is powerful if accepted and embraced wholeheartedly.  And definitely worth enduring if religion jargon is not your thing to receive the essence of his message.

I was going to create a synopsis of what I had learned but instead decided to post the original content because I believe the way he has the message packaged is far better than anything that I could have summarize in a succinct blog. 

I was so touched by this information I created an acronym for shame and that is Self Having Anti Me Experience.  The messages from his videos has set me on an accelerated path of healing. 

Embracing and accepting that there is shame within me that needs to be healed helps me to recognize and be compassionate towards others who are unknowingly struggling with shame and be more tolerant of the manifestations of their shame.

It is helping me to return to love and consequently making my life more peaceful and loving.  I invite you to view the two videos because it has definitely set me free.  If it is an eye opener for you, like it was for me, please share your aha experience in the comment section.

owning

 

Without MY Consent

I’m sure most of us are familiar with the remarkably insightful statement about self-esteem by Eleanor Roosevelt…No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Such a simple statement but loaded with so much wisdom.  Today I’m reminded of this quote because I have discovered unfortunately all too often I have given MY consent  to people, for lack of better words, who…suck.   I gave them far too much credit and allowed them to suck the life, inspiration, love, creativity, and joy right out of me.  It’s so easy to blame them but at the end of the day I must take responsibility because I alone allowed them by giving them my consent.

Ironically, I discovered that not only did I give my consent in romantic relationships with people but also in work, family, and platonic relationships as well.   It’s funny how easily we can give away our consent and not even recognize that we are doing it.  Most people would overlook this quote and say it doesn’t apply to them because most of us are very reluctant to admit that we are feeling inferior.   However, far too often we give our personal power away to others because we unconsciously fall into the trap of believing they know or have more than us.   Thus leaving us feeling inferior and inadvertently placing them on a pedestal in our lives.

The archaic meaning for consent is to be in harmony.   So, basically no one can make me feel inferior without me being in harmony with them.   And, for me to be in harmony with it means that I’m willingly being a cooperative component with it my either giving it my attention, focus, or energy.  Things only remain in our experience because we keep thinking about it and/or allowing it.  Therefore the primary way for me not to give my consent is to not give it my attention and/or allow it.  For instance, I’ve read countless articles, books, blogs on commitment phobes.  And, some authors write them off as hopeless while others will have you jumping through hoops like a circus poodle trying to get a commitment phobe to commit.

However, after expending much of my energy, time, efforts, and hope of obtaining commitment from someone who didn’t want to commit, I know longer believe there is such a thing as commitment phobe.  I believe a person commits when they want to and if we want to commit and the other person doesn’t then we are setting ourselves up to be placed in a situation where we are allowing someone to make us feel inferior with our consent.  In hindsight, I have to ask myself why did I put myself through so much agony and a host of other countless negative emotions in a futile attempt to win the affections of another?  It is in pondering that very question that the answer was simply I gave my consent.

I gave my consent when I kept trying instead of staying true to my desires and cutting ties. Basically, to sum it all up I gave my consent when I chose to continue to give it my attention, focus, and energy.  I hurt  myself over and over again by elevating someone above me.  And, in the process allowed the situation to suck me dry.  But, it’s all good because I have learned exponentially about life and people as a result.

I’ve learned the game of life is about making the best use of my energy (personal power).  I’ve also learned about energy usage and how I give my personal power away each time I give my consent to do the following:

  •  make someone or something outside of me more important than what is inside of me
  •  focus on things I do not want instead of things I do want
  •  overlook or not value who and what I am
  •  attempt to borrow my worth from things, situations, and/or people
  •  look for validation from people whom I believe know or have more than I do
  •  waste time on thing, situations, or people who suck instead of investing time in the things I love and with the people I love and who love me in return
  •  choose to accept things I don’t want instead of taking action to create/allow the things I do want
  •  engage in things/situations/people that deaden me instead of what brings me life
  •  focus on who will make me happy instead of what will make me happy
  •  allow energy vampires to run amuck in my life instead of surrounding myself with positive people who know how to engage in healthy relationships
  •  allow people to remain in my life who are with me out of obligation
  •  allow people to remain in my life who use, abuse, or don’t appreciate me
  •  allow people to remain in my life who don’t really like me but want something from me
  • choose to not set healthy boundaries with people
  • mistakenly trying to fix or save people
  • remaining in friendships that I have outgrown
  • allowing people to remain in my life who don’t like themselves

The past seven years of my life has been a rather painful part of my journey.  But, I know that I’m coming out on the other side of it.  The beauty of it all is I now know how to harness my personal power to create the life I desire and the happiness I so richly deserve.  I have a choice about who I’m with and why.  I fully understand that if a situation is not working for me, neither of us will end up with what we want.  And, most importantly if I made an error by choosing to be with someone who is not a match for me, I’m only compounding the problem by continuing it.

In the famous words of Barney Fife, “Nip it in the bud”.  I am reclaiming my personal power and nipping situations, things, and people in the bud that suck.  And, I will do that by not allowing it to make me feel some type of way.  Spliff happens but it will happen without my consent going forward.