Recognizing the Other Person’s Reality


Understanding our reality versus the other person’s reality can really help us in achieving our goals in life.  Far too often we make the mistake of judging and seeing things only from our reality aka perspective.  When we lack the ability to recognize the other person’s reality we tend to misstep and/or misjudge a situation.  Additionally, we tend to either interpret situations as being personal and/or intentional.

When in actuality as Tony Robbins says “We are all just trying to get our needs met and really aren’t too focused on the other guy at all”.  And I have found this to be very true.  We’re quick to label others as selfish and lack seeing when we too are motivated by selfish reasons.

One of the best ways to cultivate the habit of recognizing the other person’s reality is to pause for the cause and take a moment to step back from the situation at hand and ask ourselves “how can I connect with this person?”, “what reality would match this person’s behavior?”, “why would a sane, rational, reasonable person be acting this way?”, “when I look at this person’s behavior, what objective might this person be trying to accomplish”.

It’s amazing how much easier we can connect with others when we practice taking a 360 degree look at things to attempt to understand what reality another person is entertaining and then developing a plan of action to influence the other person based on what their needs are at the moment.

Not only is it important to recognize the other’s person reality.  It’s even more important to recognize our own.  For instance, your reality is “I need a label for my relationship with the guy I’m interested in.”  His reality is “I could give a rat’s ass about getting involved in another committed relationship with another overly demanding woman.”  So it’s all about them and their need to avoid feeling put upon and/or responsible for someone else’s emotions.

Unfortunately in a situation like this, more times than not a woman will try to force the issue based on her reality and feel entitled to a “labeled” relationship because all the things she’s done to invest in the relationship and/or the time invested in it.   However, would you want to do something of your own free will or force?  In situations like this a better approach would be to find a way to apply Dale Carnegie’s quote…”arouse in the other person an eager want.”

And, to do this we must first recognize the other person’s reality and then leverage it by using effective negotiation and persuasive skills.  In sales it’s called “WIIFM – What’s In It For Me?”  Once you determine that then you can subtly begin to win them over to your reality.


Day 25 – The “Likeablilty” Factor

Here is a fundamental rule for winning in life.  Let’s imprint it in our minds and remember it.  The rule is: Success depends on the support of other people.    In most walks of life we rely on the support of others to achieve our personal goals.

An executive depends on people to carry out his instructions.  If the executive is unsuccessful, the company will more than likely fire the executive.  A salesman depends upon other people to buy his product, if they don’t then he fails.  A writer depends on people to read what he writes.  A store depends on people to buy their products.  So forth and so on.

There were times in history when a person could gain position of authority by force and hold it by force and/or threats of force.  In those days, it was cooperate with the leader or risked literally losing their head.  But, not anymore. Today, a person either supports you willingly or he doesn’t support you at all.  It’s a common fact that we are more open to people we like.  And we are more willing to support people we like. Being likeable accelerates influence.


But how do we garner the support of other people especially if we don’t necessarily know them?  The answer is simple we must think right toward people.  When we think right toward people, they will like and support us.  Almost daily a common scenario likes this takes place.  A group or committee convenes and the purpose is to consider names for a promotion, new job, club membership, an honor, etc.  The facilitator asks, “What is your feeling about so and so?”

Comments are shared.  Some names draw warm, positive comments while others draw negative, lukewarm statements.  Here is the interesting part: In nine out of ten cases, the “likeability” factor is the first thing mentioned.  And, in an overwhelmingly large number of cases, the “likeability” factor is given far more weight than the technical factor.

Right, wrong, fair, unfair the fact remains: We are lifted to higher levels by those who know us as likeable, personable individuals.  We are lifted one notch higher with every friend we make.  And, being likeable makes us lighter to lift!  Successful people follow a plan for liking people.  Do you?  You’ll be surprised that many people who make it to the top of their game have a formula for thinking right towards people.  And, you would be even more surprised to discover many of them have a clear, definite, even written plan for liking people.

Thinking right towards people removes frustration and stress.  The real test for thinking right toward people presents itself when things don’t go exactly the way we want.  How do we think when we’re passed over for promotion?  Or fail to win an officer position in a club we belong to? Or when we’re criticized for the job we’ve done?  I agree with David Schwartz when he said, “How we think when we lose determines how long it will be until we win again.” 

As with many things in life, it all hinges on how we think about things.  And, we must remember thoughts breed like thoughts.  So if we want positive support from others, being likeable is a surefire way to get it.  Therefore we must maintain positive thoughts towards others.


Being likeable


David Joseph Schwartz’s seven tips to increasing the “likeability” factor:

  1. Make yourself lighter to lift.  Be likeable.  Practice being thee kind of person people like.  This wins their support and puts fuel in your success-building program.
  2. Take the initiative in building friendships.  Introduce yourself to others at every opportunity.  Make sure you get the other’s person name straight and make certain he gets your name straight too.  Drop a personal note to your friends you want to get to know better.
  3. Accept human differences and limitations.  Don’t expect anyone to be perfect.  Remember, the other person has a right to be different.  And don’t be a reformer.
  4. Tune into Channel P, The Good Thoughts Station.  Find qualities to like and admire in a person, not things to dislike.  And, dont let others prejudice your thinking about a third person.  Think  positive thoughts towards people — and get positive results.
  5. Practice conversation generosity.  Be like successful people.  Encourage others to talk.  Let the other person talk to you about their views, their opinions, their accomplishments.
  6. Practice courtesy all the time.  It makes other people feel better.  It makes you feel better too.
  7. Don’t blame others when you receive a setback.  Remember, how you think when you lose determines how long it will be until you win.